You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species