we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.