It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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