Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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