he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Randomize
