There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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