dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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