oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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