Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize