So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity