I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
its not stalking. its research.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
