Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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