You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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