I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
