Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize