well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
