Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm both gender and math confused
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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