My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
