just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
