First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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