i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I party with great urgency now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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