He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
