life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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