Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
