so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
