after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
