Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
