Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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