I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
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The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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