i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize