Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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