I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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