I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
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Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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