Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
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the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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