The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Still dying that you shit outside
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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