Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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