this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
