There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
