Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
