I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
