nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
