I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
