Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
