How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
