I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
