Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
