he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
