I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
