I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
