i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize