yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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