well I can't set my house on fire every night
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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