FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
is it fun? or sober?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
