Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
