yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
