My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How naked do you want me to be?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
