Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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