god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
