my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
