laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
