Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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