the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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