My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
