I've blown a few things in my day
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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