I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
